Saturday, September 24, 2011

Life without the beach...wah wah waaah :(

Navarre Beach, FL

Navarre Beach, FL

Merritt Island, FL

Do you see the beach??? Not near me!
I thought I would be fine away from the beach, I really did. I went to college in Mississippi for years and LOVE the mountains. I have unfortunately been reminded today of what one of Chad and my very best friend's Mike told me. He said, "Amy, you pretend you do not like the beach or the sand or the hot weather, but secretly you do. I do not think you could ever live without it." I, of course, told him he was right but not to tell anyone that.
I have, over the years, taken where I grew up for granted and pretended that the beach, the islands, the water, that it all is nice but I do not NEED it. I like to travel, right? I like the mountains, the snow, anything besides the hot, humid, sand in all the wrong places, beach! Today was one of those days, you know the kind where you realize you are an utter fool and need a Marga-daquiri-screw-a-lada-on the beach (country song)! Honestly, I have been a bit blue since moving here. While my daily mood and acceptance of my new life here is steadily improving, I cannot shake the feeling that something is missing.
It has come to my attention, since moving to Louisiana that I am, and will always be, an Island girl. As much as I want to say I am a country girl who likes the woods, wherever they are, it is not completely true. While I will always appreciate all types of nature and the setting it offers, my heart feels a bit empty with no ocean, no real body of water near me. Is that nutty or what? I have heard of people with seasonal affective disorder, you know the one where the winter seasons make them become clinically depressed? (My feeling on the validity of this diagnosis or even reality of this disease can be saved for later) I am seriously wondering if there is a disorder for being depressed when you are away from that Island life. ( I know Kenny Chesney would agree)  Maybe I am just homesick, but when I think of that life, it is not necessarily my hometown I miss. It's all of it, anywhere with the water, the beach and that laid back little tiki bar where everyone knows you and crappy bands play but you don't care because the setting is perfect!
Due to this newfound exploration of my beach life depression (BLD), I have been channeling Kenny Chesney (always a bad idea, for me at least because it usually means I am contemplative). He makes it even worse! My mom gave me a CD that was burned from a family friend's wedding and it is all of his beachy, laid back life songs. It was my CD that I would ride down Navarre Beach, through the National Seashore, the perfectly white beaches, and green clear water, and just BE!
We have two, maybe three years here in LA and I am hoping to find ways to be at peace away from the water. I am a military wife, and will not always have the luxury of being an Island girl. How I will shake this need to be near the water, I just do not know. One thing I do know is, I have sincerely taken my life growing up, my hometown and even the beginning of our marriage in Florida for granted. I misjudged my true nature and pretended I was a bit of a gypsy and could adapt where we went. I think I will always adapt, as we have no other choice when we are married to the military. Unfortunately for me, there will always be a little piece of my heart missing when I am away from that sweet, sweet Island time!

No comments:

Post a Comment