Life without the beach...wah wah waaah :(

Navarre Beach, FL

Navarre Beach, FL

Merritt Island, FL

Do you see the beach??? Not near me!

I thought I would be fine away from the beach, I really did. I went to college in Mississippi for years and LOVE the mountains. I have unfortunately been reminded today of what one of Chad and my very best friend's Mike told me. He said, "Amy, you pretend you do not like the beach or the sand or the hot weather, but secretly you do. I do not think you could ever live without it." I, of course, told him he was right but not to tell anyone that.
I have, over the years, taken where I grew up for granted and pretended that the beach, the islands, the water, that it all is nice but I do not NEED it. I like to travel, right? I like the mountains, the snow, anything besides the hot, humid, sand in all the wrong places, beach! Today was one of those days, you know the kind where you realize you are an utter fool and need a Marga-daquiri-screw-a-lada-on the beach (country song)! Honestly, I have been a bit blue since moving here. While my daily mood and acceptance of my new life here is steadily improving, I cannot shake the feeling that something is missing.
It has come to my attention, since moving to Louisiana that I am, and will always be, an Island girl. As much as I want to say I am a country girl who likes the woods, wherever they are, it is not completely true. While I will always appreciate all types of nature and the setting it offers, my heart feels a bit empty with no ocean, no real body of water near me. Is that nutty or what? I have heard of people with seasonal affective disorder, you know the one where the winter seasons make them become clinically depressed? (My feeling on the validity of this diagnosis or even reality of this disease can be saved for later) I am seriously wondering if there is a disorder for being depressed when you are away from that Island life. ( I know Kenny Chesney would agree)  Maybe I am just homesick, but when I think of that life, it is not necessarily my hometown I miss. It's all of it, anywhere with the water, the beach and that laid back little tiki bar where everyone knows you and crappy bands play but you don't care because the setting is perfect!
Due to this newfound exploration of my beach life depression (BLD), I have been channeling Kenny Chesney (always a bad idea, for me at least because it usually means I am contemplative). He makes it even worse! My mom gave me a CD that was burned from a family friend's wedding and it is all of his beachy, laid back life songs. It was my CD that I would ride down Navarre Beach, through the National Seashore, the perfectly white beaches, and green clear water, and just BE!
We have two, maybe three years here in LA and I am hoping to find ways to be at peace away from the water. I am a military wife, and will not always have the luxury of being an Island girl. How I will shake this need to be near the water, I just do not know. One thing I do know is, I have sincerely taken my life growing up, my hometown and even the beginning of our marriage in Florida for granted. I misjudged my true nature and pretended I was a bit of a gypsy and could adapt where we went. I think I will always adapt, as we have no other choice when we are married to the military. Unfortunately for me, there will always be a little piece of my heart missing when I am away from that sweet, sweet Island time!

Are we really making a difference?!

I have started a new job at a non profit and feel so blessed to be moving up in my career. It only took me a month to find a great job with a great company, with a great mission! I am back to working with kids ages 6 -17 years on a daily basis through after school programming, teaching life skills classes at the alternative school and teen events on the weekends to offer a positive place and activities. Although this job is quite possibly my most challenging job yet, I am in awe as to how much influence we have on these children's lives in only spending three hours a day with them. Most of our programming is grant funded and the rest is paid out of afterschool program fees. What I am floored by, is our thoughtfulness in planning and tailoring our program for each kid regardless of what they have going in their life. We make an effort to work with the children that are struggling in other parts of their lives; whether at home, school or elsewhere.

 I stumbled upon another amazing blogger through a friend. She is also an adoptive mother of eight! That deserves some recognition! On her main blog page she has a quote by an anonymous author:
"Sometimes I want to ask God why he allows poverty, famine and injustice in the world when He could do something about it...but then again, I am afraid He might ask me the same question."

So this quote has lead me to some contemplating tonight. I am so glad to be back in the realm of working with children. I have been working with teens and young adults facing unplanned pregnancies. I still and always will have a huge heart for this and adoption but my new opportunity has given me the chance to once again work with the younger ages too.I am working with children from so many walks of life, many of whom have already faced tragedy, trials and tribulations. With all we have going on in our lives, and boy do I get it (sometimes I leave my house at 6:45 am and do not get home until 8:30 pm), what do we have left for others? I know as mothers, employees, daughters, sisters, etc. that we have so many people and responsibilities, and there are only so many hours in the day! But, what are we really doing? What are we really giving back? I used to volunteer for a mentoring program, similar to Big Brother's Big Sister's with two children whose mother was incarcerated. I made every effort to be at church and help in Sunday School; I collected items and even rescued many animals for foster care and placed them in forever homes. I did this not because my arm was twisted into it. I did this because I wanted to. It seems though that once I became a mother, moved out of state away from friends, family and my favorite volunteer activities, that I simply have not had the energy to become invested in my community again. As a military wife, it is so difficult finding a good balance. Additionally, sometimes (although most won't admit it) we hold back as military wives and do not give our "all" to life, community, friends, others. Partly, because we have lack of support systems in place but  also I have found a real reluctance to invest myself, my energy, my time. I think this is because I am afraid. I am afraid to move again when I have invested so very much energy into something I have fallen in love with. What I realized this week, tonight even more so, is that I LOVE what I do! I love my work, my new friends, and I am beginning to love and accept my new life. What I do not love is my reluctance thus far to really invest in my community. I have thrown everything into my new job, my new daughter, my new life without really thinking what my new community needs. What can I do, that I am not doing? Where can I help or do more? Why have I not found a church, found a group to attend and volunteer with? After reading this lady's blog tonight and thinking about what it means to really "give back", I realized that it was a real fear. A fear of putting everything I have into something to get nothing back and leaving before I ever see the results! This fear is not only selfish but ridiculous. We have a duty as Christians,  or even as good, moral, ethical people to always be striving to do more. This does not mean you give so much of yourself that you burn out, this just means thinking outside of the box and finding your niche. This means finding what you are good at, what you have to offer and going with it. I am so happy to once again be working with children. While adoption will and always will be one of my many passions, working with kids everyday is where I need to be. Where do you need to be? What do you have to offer that you are not offering?