Life without the beach...wah wah waaah :(

Navarre Beach, FL

Navarre Beach, FL

Merritt Island, FL

Do you see the beach??? Not near me!

I thought I would be fine away from the beach, I really did. I went to college in Mississippi for years and LOVE the mountains. I have unfortunately been reminded today of what one of Chad and my very best friend's Mike told me. He said, "Amy, you pretend you do not like the beach or the sand or the hot weather, but secretly you do. I do not think you could ever live without it." I, of course, told him he was right but not to tell anyone that.
I have, over the years, taken where I grew up for granted and pretended that the beach, the islands, the water, that it all is nice but I do not NEED it. I like to travel, right? I like the mountains, the snow, anything besides the hot, humid, sand in all the wrong places, beach! Today was one of those days, you know the kind where you realize you are an utter fool and need a Marga-daquiri-screw-a-lada-on the beach (country song)! Honestly, I have been a bit blue since moving here. While my daily mood and acceptance of my new life here is steadily improving, I cannot shake the feeling that something is missing.
It has come to my attention, since moving to Louisiana that I am, and will always be, an Island girl. As much as I want to say I am a country girl who likes the woods, wherever they are, it is not completely true. While I will always appreciate all types of nature and the setting it offers, my heart feels a bit empty with no ocean, no real body of water near me. Is that nutty or what? I have heard of people with seasonal affective disorder, you know the one where the winter seasons make them become clinically depressed? (My feeling on the validity of this diagnosis or even reality of this disease can be saved for later) I am seriously wondering if there is a disorder for being depressed when you are away from that Island life. ( I know Kenny Chesney would agree)  Maybe I am just homesick, but when I think of that life, it is not necessarily my hometown I miss. It's all of it, anywhere with the water, the beach and that laid back little tiki bar where everyone knows you and crappy bands play but you don't care because the setting is perfect!
Due to this newfound exploration of my beach life depression (BLD), I have been channeling Kenny Chesney (always a bad idea, for me at least because it usually means I am contemplative). He makes it even worse! My mom gave me a CD that was burned from a family friend's wedding and it is all of his beachy, laid back life songs. It was my CD that I would ride down Navarre Beach, through the National Seashore, the perfectly white beaches, and green clear water, and just BE!
We have two, maybe three years here in LA and I am hoping to find ways to be at peace away from the water. I am a military wife, and will not always have the luxury of being an Island girl. How I will shake this need to be near the water, I just do not know. One thing I do know is, I have sincerely taken my life growing up, my hometown and even the beginning of our marriage in Florida for granted. I misjudged my true nature and pretended I was a bit of a gypsy and could adapt where we went. I think I will always adapt, as we have no other choice when we are married to the military. Unfortunately for me, there will always be a little piece of my heart missing when I am away from that sweet, sweet Island time!

Are we really making a difference?!

I have started a new job at a non profit and feel so blessed to be moving up in my career. It only took me a month to find a great job with a great company, with a great mission! I am back to working with kids ages 6 -17 years on a daily basis through after school programming, teaching life skills classes at the alternative school and teen events on the weekends to offer a positive place and activities. Although this job is quite possibly my most challenging job yet, I am in awe as to how much influence we have on these children's lives in only spending three hours a day with them. Most of our programming is grant funded and the rest is paid out of afterschool program fees. What I am floored by, is our thoughtfulness in planning and tailoring our program for each kid regardless of what they have going in their life. We make an effort to work with the children that are struggling in other parts of their lives; whether at home, school or elsewhere.

 I stumbled upon another amazing blogger through a friend. She is also an adoptive mother of eight! That deserves some recognition! On her main blog page she has a quote by an anonymous author:
"Sometimes I want to ask God why he allows poverty, famine and injustice in the world when He could do something about it...but then again, I am afraid He might ask me the same question."

So this quote has lead me to some contemplating tonight. I am so glad to be back in the realm of working with children. I have been working with teens and young adults facing unplanned pregnancies. I still and always will have a huge heart for this and adoption but my new opportunity has given me the chance to once again work with the younger ages too.I am working with children from so many walks of life, many of whom have already faced tragedy, trials and tribulations. With all we have going on in our lives, and boy do I get it (sometimes I leave my house at 6:45 am and do not get home until 8:30 pm), what do we have left for others? I know as mothers, employees, daughters, sisters, etc. that we have so many people and responsibilities, and there are only so many hours in the day! But, what are we really doing? What are we really giving back? I used to volunteer for a mentoring program, similar to Big Brother's Big Sister's with two children whose mother was incarcerated. I made every effort to be at church and help in Sunday School; I collected items and even rescued many animals for foster care and placed them in forever homes. I did this not because my arm was twisted into it. I did this because I wanted to. It seems though that once I became a mother, moved out of state away from friends, family and my favorite volunteer activities, that I simply have not had the energy to become invested in my community again. As a military wife, it is so difficult finding a good balance. Additionally, sometimes (although most won't admit it) we hold back as military wives and do not give our "all" to life, community, friends, others. Partly, because we have lack of support systems in place but  also I have found a real reluctance to invest myself, my energy, my time. I think this is because I am afraid. I am afraid to move again when I have invested so very much energy into something I have fallen in love with. What I realized this week, tonight even more so, is that I LOVE what I do! I love my work, my new friends, and I am beginning to love and accept my new life. What I do not love is my reluctance thus far to really invest in my community. I have thrown everything into my new job, my new daughter, my new life without really thinking what my new community needs. What can I do, that I am not doing? Where can I help or do more? Why have I not found a church, found a group to attend and volunteer with? After reading this lady's blog tonight and thinking about what it means to really "give back", I realized that it was a real fear. A fear of putting everything I have into something to get nothing back and leaving before I ever see the results! This fear is not only selfish but ridiculous. We have a duty as Christians,  or even as good, moral, ethical people to always be striving to do more. This does not mean you give so much of yourself that you burn out, this just means thinking outside of the box and finding your niche. This means finding what you are good at, what you have to offer and going with it. I am so happy to once again be working with children. While adoption will and always will be one of my many passions, working with kids everyday is where I need to be. Where do you need to be? What do you have to offer that you are not offering?

The wild ride is slowing but not stopped YET!

We have finally gotten settled here at Fort Polk in Louisiana. We accepted a house on post in order to conserve finances and also due to the nature of the homes in the local community (I will leave it at that). For our first 1.5 weeks, we stayed at the Holiday Inn on Post, which was fine for the first week, but with one vehicle at the time, it became old being stuck in the hotel. The post is 100,000 acres, and many of them are wooded, so walking was not much of an option. Once we settled into the new house, Amy accepted a job as a Youth Development Program Manager at Beaucare in Deridder, Louisiana. Beaucare is a non profit that offers youth development, mentoring, tutoring, physical and recreational activities and summer and day camps for at risk and in need individuals. We are excited about this opportunity. Selena Kate is staying with a newly made friend who is orginally from, and still has family in, Pensacola! SK has taken to the baysitter well and does not cry a bit. In fact, she launched herself into the baysitter's arms on the first day and on the second day, waved bye bye to me for the very first time. This girl was born to socialize and Mama, apparently, has become boring.
Chad has settled into his new job and routine which includes what I term as "war games" where they simulate war time scenarios prior to army deployments. Chad can work long hours due to this so we are all adjusting to the new rotuine but are thankful because he is not scheduled to deploy for several years. This is a welcome change since we were coming up on his sixth deployment!
Selena Kate now crawls, waves bye bye, can almost pull herself up on her own, has two teeth, prefers adult food to baby food, although Mama doesn't give in to this, and is quite the social butterfly. She kisses herself in the mirror and kisses her babydoll if you ask her to. She giggles hysterically when you allow her to fish hook your mouth with her finger.
We have been through some large ups and downs in this past month, that include two ER trips, two trips to the doctor, getting lost in Louisiana in the middle of the night and ultimately leaving ym car in a parking lot because I was so violently sick, driving to and from Pensacola in two days to pick up our Civic, renting our house in Navarre and hopefully (as of today's acceptance of our counter offer) selling our home in Gulf Breeze. We have more hills to climb though. We still have to get the bank's acceptance of their offer, to learn the ins and outs of our new jobs and I am sure much more.
We are looking forward to time with our family in the fall when we baptize SK and hopefully during the holidays as well. All in all, it has been one of the most difficult times but somehow, we are getting through this "wild ride" and are doing so with humility and support of one another.

6 months!

July 4th

new house!

Playing

playing when I am supposed to be in bed!

Winking at Mama

7 Months and crawling

Happy Girl!

Whirlwind!!!

The remaining portion of May and all of June have been one whirlwind after another. We received orders to leave Hurlburt Field and our home in Gulf Breeze, FL to move to Ft. Polk in Louisiana. Yes, this is an army base. No, I have no clue why they would send an Airmen to an army base. What we do know is that there is a unit there that works with all branches of the military and that is what Chad will be assigned to. On top of the awful news of having to move from a place we have grown to love came with the uncertainty of myself not having a job. I have prayed, my whole life, to be a stay at home mother. I have now gotten my wish, as the community we are moving to is extremely rural and job opportunities are scarce. Trust me, I have tried. For me to gauge the value of me being away from Selena Kate, I have to know that what I am doing is what God is calling me to do, not just a job. It is more valuable to be at home with our precious blessing than to just go get a job. I am excited at this new prospect of being a stay at home mother. I am excited to have this time with my family.
Chad and I went to visit Leesville, LA (the town immediately outside of the post) and it was small. There was a nice square area, that was very southern and reminded me of the town my grandfather lives in in Georgia. The town does not have much to offer but does have a Wal-Mart, some fast food restaurants and a very small movie theater. I am hoping that this transition will help Chad and I to "get back to the basics" and focus on what are God's desires for our life. I am hoping this will remind us of our true priorities and how to make some sacrifices in order to have our family strengthened. We will be living "on post" and tried to see the inside of the houses but the housing office would not allow us. I found this frustrating and kind of annoying as we will be downsizing our square footage significantly from where we live now, and I need to know what kind of layout and rooms are there so I know what furniture to bring! But housing would  not budge on this issue. To add to the stress of this, there is a wait list for housing of up to two weeks and you cannot be added to the list until you arrive at Ft. Polk. This means, myself, SK, Chad and our two dogs will be living out of a Holiday Inn for up to two weeks. I am praying diligently that this will not last two weeks and will be given a home.
Onto the next thing, we are selling our home, (that we love so very much) in Gulf Breeze so that we can be confident in our move from two incomes to one. We have not had much luck on selling it thus far and are praying very hard that God will provide a buyer for our home. So LOTS of changes are taking place. We are trying very hard to stay positive and view this as an opportunity to strengthen our family life.

Chad's First Father's Day!

SK posing for the camera!

Laughing at Marley

Lounging and watching Mickey Mouse

BUSTED! Having too much fun in the excersaucer ;)

Taking pics on Navarre Beach

Selena Kate has blossomed in so many ways. Her hair has thickened up and is growing so much. She is in her 6 month clothing and she is not even 6 months yet. She is happy and smiles all day everyday. I could go days without hearing a cry and she is even teething and does not cry much. Her first bottom tooth cut through this week and it has made her uncomfortable but she has not been overly fussy. This month she learned that rolling was her best mode of transportation and that since Mimi (Chad's Mom) and Grandy (Amy's Mom) have been with her and us for the last 2 months that she does not have to be put down. She has gotten quite accustomed to being held or having some sort of motion and this may be tough to break when we get to Ft. Polk and Mama has things to do around the house. Whew! We have a long ride ahead of us! She LOVES bath time now again and loves her toys in the water with her. She even figured out how to pull the chain on the drain plug. STINKER! She is just the light of our lives and we cherish every moment with her.

While this move is stressful for us, it has also been stressful on our families. Our mothers have been in our homes residing with us as we prepare for this move and have been an immense help. We could not ever express the gratitude that we have felt for their presence and support. They have been Selena's best buddy on top of that. We are anxiously awaiting the movers coming to pack us up on July 6th and this day will be the day, my mother has to go home as well. What a sad day that will be! Somehow though, we have to hold on to the hope that this new place is a new chance for us to build the beautiful life we have always wanted that focuses on God, family and just being in HIS presence wherever you are and whatever you are doing.

Along for the crazy ride!

These past two months have flown by so very quickly. In April, we made two trips to Central Florida: one for a conference with Bethany where SK was able to stay with Grandy all week and the following one for SK's finalization court date! Selena is still a trooper when it comes to traveling via car but as she is now very alert and inquisitive, she tries to crunch here abs and sit up out of her car seat. Of course, she cannot because she is restrained by the seat belt portion and this makes her frustrated!
On the day of her final court case, we traveled with Amy's family and SK to the Orange county courthouse and waited for what they call a "cattle call". This meant that all family court cases including divorces and adoption were seen in no specific order but all are asked to arrive at 9 am and wait for your name to be called. We arrived at 8:30 to be sure we had plenty of time and waited patiently in the outer lobby area. Selena was a doll the whole time we waited and did not even make a peep. Finally, at 11 am our names were called and we entered the court room. As we were being sworn in, Selena decided this would be the most opportune time to throw an utter fit. She was not hungry, wet, dirty or tired. She just decided to voice her opinion as well. We could barely hear what our lawyer was asking us and it was difficult to keep her under control. Nevertheless, she did not give up the crying and all of the hearing
included her tantrum as well as many of her pictures. As soon as were dismissed from our hearing, and walked out of the courtroom, she smiled! STINKER! Then she proceeded to fall asleep.
After this, we took pictures of the momentous day where Selena Kate officially became our daughter in the eyes of the law. What an amazingly beautiful day. We were truly honored to be chosen to raise this precious sweet girl. We celebrated with Amy's parents before they flew to Mississippi for Easter. Chad, myself and SK spent the Easter weekend in Merritt Island lounging by the pool.

On a side note, we have received orders to move to Ft. Polk, Louisiana and are scheduled to leave in July! This news was unexpected and of course saddened us as we have built a life here in the Panhandle. Although, we knew the day would come when the Air Force told us it was time to move on, we sure were not thinking it was anytime soon, nor would it occur so very quickly. We are excited about what the future holds for our family but the impending move is bittersweet. This is the longest we have ever lived anywhere besides our homes in Merritt Island and Byhalia and we had grown to love this part of Florida. The Pensacola area will always hold a piece of our hearts and we hate that Selena will not have any memories of it. We do know that our memories made in Louisiana will give her another perspective that we can only hope and pray is as wonderful as the time we spent here. We are trying to remind ourselves that "happiness is a choice" and "home is where you make it". Although those statements are a bit cliche, it seems to be the only thing keeping us optimistic as we plan for this upcoming move.
Mother's day is this weekend and I am thrilled to finally be celebrating it for the first time as a mother not just a daughter. I had no idea how emotional and excited I would be about having that day. It really does not matter what we do, or where we go and seeing as though we need to save money for a move, it looks like we will be hanging out doing things that are free. Which by the way, I love especially historical tours and the beach..dare I say it...I have grown to love the beach! Still do NOT like the sand, but the beaches here are prettier than anywhere I have ever seen including the Keys. So as Mother's day approaches, I am reflecting on my amazingly strong and supportive mother who always has been there for me AND on my time spent longing to be just that: a mother! It is finally here and I plan to cherish every moment, no matter what comes our way!

Pictures to follow soon!



Update: We ended up spending Mother's day weekend with my sister and Selen'a Aunti M (aka Meredith) in Orange Beach, Alabama! What an amzing weekend with family...only thing that would have made it better would have been to have our mother there!

Here are tons of pictures of the last two months since we have slacked at posting:

3 months and smiling. P.s. I am getting two teeth!

I am learning to jump in the bouncer!

At the finalization for adoption

Worn out after the court hearing!

Outside the courthouse with the grandparents!

Family Picture 4/20/2011

Happy easter! This is my Easter dress Grandy got me!

And my First Easter PJ's my Great Great Aunt Kaye got me!

In the standard issue polo and white shorts prepping for a day in Destin!

I love to DROOOL!

With Auntie Em at the Hangout in Orange Beach, Alabama!



Auntie Em decided this was the perfect spot for me!



Month 2

Selena Kate turned 2 months on March 12th and this month has been packed! Grandy came to visit and spent quality time with SK; Mimi and Papaw came to visit and did the same; Sk got her first set of shots much to my and her dismay; Chad has been in Airman Leadership school which has kept him busy and away from home a lot; Melanie came from Jacksonville for a beach weekend with us too! WHEW! Lots going on!

SK had her first photo shoot at the end of February too. She was such a sweet little model for Rachel. And if you have not checked out Rachel Wade Photography on Facebook. She is amazing!!!!


SK has been staying with friends for daycare which has been a lifesaver. I could not be more thankful for that because there is nothing worse than feeling awful about leaving your baby girl to go to work but then doing so with someone you do not know. I cannot imagine doing that. I am blessed beyond belief to have amazing people in my life and such a great family too that keeps my spirits up when they get down.

This month has been trying to say the least! SK has been an angel of course but between work and Chad having class daily from 6 to 6 sometimes, I have felt a bit like a single mom. My best friend, Lauren, which by the way just had her 2nd daughter Sunday night has been the most amazingly calm single mother. I realize, I am not a single mother but this has given me even more respect for Lauren. I have always thought Lauren was super woman. She managed to work 2 jobs and finish her business degree while managing to keep Taylor, her daughter out of daycare and with friends and family. Now she is doing this ALL over again and is again someone I can only look up to with her positive attitude and I cannot fail mentality. I wish I had more strength in me to be this way regarding all in my life. Thank goodness Chad's class is done and I have had a ton of help from friends and family while he has been in it.

April will bring a busy month for us as well. SK has her final court date in Orange County where she will officially (in the eyes of the law) be ours! She is already our and has been entrusted to us by the most amazing friend and woman I know, Michelle, SK's birth mother! We are anxiously awaiting April 20th and the significance this day will bring. While I contemplate the exciting and busy things happening in our lives, I still am reminded of the sanctity and preciousness of life. The joy that is brought to us may bring pain to Michelle. I hope that Selena will never question just how much love is there for her. And with that thought (because you all know how my thoughts flit around faster than I can even process) I am thinking (praying) for my other best friend Shannon who is in on bed rest with her son. He is not full term and they are trying to keep him from being premature. Please send prayers her way because as much as I cannot contain the excitement that all my friends and I have children within months of one another, I do not wish a preemie on anyone!


As far as Selena's milestones, this month has been a busy one! She can successfully hold her head up; sit in the bumbo; sit in a high chair (although we do not feed her solids, she likes to sit at the table with us!); She babbles NON STOP; Smiles ALL the time and even decided that it was time to giggle in Mass 2 weeks ago! So funny and of course Chad and I could not pay attention to mass  because she had never laughed before!!!!! She weighs 11 pounds and 7 oz now and is becoming one cute and cherub-like little baby. She has been to the beach twice already and loves to sit under the umbrella in her swing and just look and listen to the waves. She adores walking around the neighborhood in the stroller and has a very contemplative look on her face, almost as if she sees the clouds and is wondering what they are! Ok, here are some pictures from this past month. Enjoy and do not forget that life is precious and family is everything!

7 weeks and growing everyday!

These past 7 weeks have been a whirlwind that we would not change for a minute. February was a busy one for sure! We finally got settled into a routine in our home with Selena Kate, Chad went back to work, Amy went back to work and Selena Kate went to a babysitter. The day Selena went to day care was a tough day because we were not ready for our big girl to be with anyone but us. Luckily I only work 3 days a week and Selena is in great care with a close friend. We have been so very blessed with friends and family taking such great care of us. During our time off before we went back to work we celebrated my 27th birthday with friends, went to the beach and had a lot of fun playing dress up with Selena Kate. She has grown so much and is out of her newborn clothing and into her 0-3 month clothing. She is about to grow out of her newborn diapers too and is now eating 5 oz. every 4 hours. She has blessed us by sleeping for 6 hour stretches at night and we are so proud of what a big girl she has been sleeping in her crib too. She adores her swing and her nap nanny too! Here are some pictures from this past month's outings and events.

SK in her purple outfit Michelle got

Her preferred place to sleep

Loves to sleep on her tummy!

Navarre Beach. First Beach Day

The beach has worn her out!

Selena all dressed up for Mama's birthday

Birthday dinner with Mama and friends

Lindsay and Kellan and Mama and Selena

Mommy's little sweetie!

Holding hands <3